The Tilt Heard Round the World
From the Office of the Poker Geek
To Steve Lipscomb
Founder, World Poker Tour
Dear Mr. Lipscomb,
It's time to take this "Bad Boys of Poker" thing seriously.
I know what you're saying... you've already done this a couple times, and it's turned out alright. Gus Hansen calling an all-in with 10-8... and winning? That's good poker. But really, this is not the "Bad Boys of Poker", it's the "Crazy Maniacs". Not the same thing. And not nearly as entertaining.
Right now, the WSOP Tournament of Champions is ongoing, and once it airs on Christmas, it'll make Bad Boys look like a Boy Scout troop meeting. Matusow and Hellmuth squaring off hand after hand. Dannenmann calling Hellmuth a punk? And let's not forget the Christmas gift of a big stuffed Donkey... Gentleman, prepare for tilt. Large, stratospherical TILT.
So I propose that it's time to forgo your typical Bad Boys lineup. Stop trying to make a star out of Gus Hansen. It's time to find some real emotional gentlemen and putting them on a stage together. Insert ingrediants, light fuse, and run away.
Mr. Lipscomb, I propose the following lineup.
Seat 1: Phil Hellmuth
Seat 2: Perry Friedman
Seat 3: Mike Matusow
Seat 4: Shawn Sheikhan
Seat 5: Tony G
Seat 6: Greg Raymer
Now, I think this is a keg of explosives. First of all, you got all different kinds of tilt. You have Matusow and the blow-ups. Phil Hellmuth's "How-could-you-call-that" slow broil into madness. Tony G's blatant attempt to drive everyone into 12 shades of red. The Sheik's attitude at the table, which is worse than any other kind of bad manners at the table: Pure contempt. And of course the Fried, who can't resist keeping a good bonfire going and will simply fuel everyone around him into a mad frenzy.
Greg Raymer's addition is to give all of this a focus. Those sunglasses. That stare. The coolness about his play. It's almost like a challenge. Let everyone at it. Like throwing a whole pound of dogs a thick slab of meat. Dinnertime, boys.
This all sounds well and good, but it's time to change one other thing: Your Bad Boys show only gives out a seat to the WPT Championship.... boooo. Nobody shows up with their "A" tilt for such a flimsy prize. If you wanna really bring out everyone's beast, throw something else out there. When the prize is a buy-in to a tournament that all the entrants are going to anyways, Who cares?!? The stakes need to be raised.
Of course, I refer to the only prize that you can afford to put up as a freeroll, and still keep everyone riveted to the TV...
...Shana Hiatt.
I mean, her contract's up anyways. What a great send-off. Keep cutting back to her when Matusow wins pot after pot, and how much more nervous she gets when she realizes she might have to go home with... *shudder*... the Mouth.
Or better yet, The Fried.
I have to go now, Steve, I'm giggling too much with glee. But think about it. For the good of TV poker everywhere.
-Chris
To Steve Lipscomb
Founder, World Poker Tour
Dear Mr. Lipscomb,
It's time to take this "Bad Boys of Poker" thing seriously.
I know what you're saying... you've already done this a couple times, and it's turned out alright. Gus Hansen calling an all-in with 10-8... and winning? That's good poker. But really, this is not the "Bad Boys of Poker", it's the "Crazy Maniacs". Not the same thing. And not nearly as entertaining.
Right now, the WSOP Tournament of Champions is ongoing, and once it airs on Christmas, it'll make Bad Boys look like a Boy Scout troop meeting. Matusow and Hellmuth squaring off hand after hand. Dannenmann calling Hellmuth a punk? And let's not forget the Christmas gift of a big stuffed Donkey... Gentleman, prepare for tilt. Large, stratospherical TILT.
So I propose that it's time to forgo your typical Bad Boys lineup. Stop trying to make a star out of Gus Hansen. It's time to find some real emotional gentlemen and putting them on a stage together. Insert ingrediants, light fuse, and run away.
Mr. Lipscomb, I propose the following lineup.
Seat 1: Phil Hellmuth
Seat 2: Perry Friedman
Seat 3: Mike Matusow
Seat 4: Shawn Sheikhan
Seat 5: Tony G
Seat 6: Greg Raymer
Now, I think this is a keg of explosives. First of all, you got all different kinds of tilt. You have Matusow and the blow-ups. Phil Hellmuth's "How-could-you-call-that" slow broil into madness. Tony G's blatant attempt to drive everyone into 12 shades of red. The Sheik's attitude at the table, which is worse than any other kind of bad manners at the table: Pure contempt. And of course the Fried, who can't resist keeping a good bonfire going and will simply fuel everyone around him into a mad frenzy.
Greg Raymer's addition is to give all of this a focus. Those sunglasses. That stare. The coolness about his play. It's almost like a challenge. Let everyone at it. Like throwing a whole pound of dogs a thick slab of meat. Dinnertime, boys.
This all sounds well and good, but it's time to change one other thing: Your Bad Boys show only gives out a seat to the WPT Championship.... boooo. Nobody shows up with their "A" tilt for such a flimsy prize. If you wanna really bring out everyone's beast, throw something else out there. When the prize is a buy-in to a tournament that all the entrants are going to anyways, Who cares?!? The stakes need to be raised.
Of course, I refer to the only prize that you can afford to put up as a freeroll, and still keep everyone riveted to the TV...
...Shana Hiatt.
I mean, her contract's up anyways. What a great send-off. Keep cutting back to her when Matusow wins pot after pot, and how much more nervous she gets when she realizes she might have to go home with... *shudder*... the Mouth.
Or better yet, The Fried.
I have to go now, Steve, I'm giggling too much with glee. But think about it. For the good of TV poker everywhere.
-Chris
posted by Chris Hanel at
8:08 PM
